- Plenty of cans Beer!!! (Preferably 30 packs of Old Milwaukee Light)
- A whole deck of cards, jokers included (this equals 54 cards for you math geniuses)
- A large table, circular is best, but any will do
- Paper towels and/or napkins.
Article I: The Setup
Sec. 1 - Everyone playing sits around the table. If there exist both girls and guys at the table, then players must alternate seats in male/female fashion until one of the sexes has been exhausted, at which time the rest fill in and may sit in same sex order.
Sec. 2 - One of the players, a player who is adequately skilled in counting (thus...a male player), proceeds to tally up the number of people attempting to play the game. He then takes one less number of full beers as players and places them in the middle of the table, in a manner so as at least one beer is within equal reach of every player.
Sec. 3 - The same player who counted must then diligently shuffle the deck of cards. Once he has finished, any of the other players may cut if he/she so chooses. Once all cuts have been made, the shuffler spreads the cards evenly around and/or among the middle beers.
*** note: make sure beer is readily handy (i.e. a close fridge, cooler, or on the ground nearby) ***
Article II: The Assignment
Sec. 1 - When the game is completely setup, each player takes a full can of beer in hand, unopened. The player who counted the cards counts to three and says go, at which point all players crack their full beers and proceed to consume the contents as fast as possible. The rest of the game does not begin until each player has finished his/her beer; it is to be noted who finishes first and who finishes last.
*** note: a handicap may be placed on the amount of beer females must drink in order to more equally realize a method for establishing a winner and loser (for we all know a girl will never win this position without aid) ***
Sec. 2 - The player who completes the task first is declared “the overseer,” and certain luxuries are awarded to this individual.
1) Each player must show respect to that person during conversation for as long as the game is in existence
2) The overseer has a bitch, which is the player who finished the beer the slowest. The bitch must wipe the table when wet, get beer when needed, and clear the cards as they are drawn. If these tasks are ignored, the overseer makes the bitch drink.
3) The overseer has the ultimate say in enforcement of all of the aforementioned and subsequent rules. Although he or she must be true to these rules, there exists some room for interpretation, for which the overseer has control.
4) Once play commences, the overseer goes first.
Article III: The Wild Ride
Sec. 1 - Play now begins with the overseer drawing a card, followed by the person to his immediate left. Turns resume clockwise in this fashion.
Sec. 2 - Each card must be drawn and turned quickly, so as to avoid unfair glimpses.
Sec. 3 - Cards have the following ramifications:
- Black Suits 2 through 7: draw player passes that many drinks out to any of the players
- Red Suits 2 through 7: draw player drinks that many himself/herself
- Crazy 8’s: any time an eight is drawn, all players must drink, whereupon play alternates directions. Thus, the next to draw would be to the right…that is, until another 8 is turned
- 9’s: when a nine is pulled, the player that is next to draw must drink 9 times, and that individual’s turn is skipped.
- 10’s: draw player assigns a category and begins with an answer. Each player then gives an answer in order until some person cannot come up with a member of the category. That player drinks and game play resumes.
- Jacks: the main rule that separates Ride from any other game. When a Jack is drawn, players must scramble to get ahold of one of the middle beers. The player who comes up empty handed must drink a whole beer before play resumes. (Cans are returned to the middle after they are grabbed)
- Queens: upon the revealing of a queen, all players try to finish the contents of their beers before the others. The winner makes a rule. (The overseer is responsible for maintaining an adequate amount of beer in each persons hand during the game). Rules apply for the duration of the game.
- Kings: draw player must, in one tip of their can, consume as much of his/her beer as he/she wishes. Once player stops drinking, he/she must give the remaining beer, if any, to one of the other players. This player must finish the contents before play resumes.
- Aces: an ace drawn equals a waterfall. All players raise their beers in cheers, whereupon the draw player begins pounding his/her beer. The player that follows cannot stop drinking until the draw player halts. This pattern exists until the second to last player stops, at which time the “anchor” may stop (and puke if need be….ladies). (The overseer is responsible for monitoring cheating in drinking, and is obligated to assign extra drinks to cheaters)
Sec. 4 - Play continues until all cards are drawn, or everyone passes out, whichever comes first. (Jacks may be resubmitted by the overseer if deemed necessary to keep the game from ending too soon)
Article IV: Miscellaneous Rules Sec. 1 - Leaving the table: any player that must, at any point during the duration of the game, leave the table for any reason (other than the bitch getting more beer) is obligated to leave behind a layer of clothing. This article of clothing will be in the possession of the overseer for the remainder of the game. Each time that player leaves, a new article must be given up. These rules include bathroom breaks.
Sec. 2 - At all times during the game, each player must have a beer in their hands. A player is allowed to set the beer down, as long as the beer is back in that player’s hand when a card is drawn. Failure to follow this rule results in the overseer making that player drink. Although any of the other players may call out the breaking of the rule, it is the ultimate call of the overseer as too how much the player in fault must consume.
Sec. 3 - In the event that two players have their hands on a middle beer after a Jack is drawn, they must struggle for it until one of the two (or three if a beer is taken away by rule) has come up with the can. If the struggle continues for some time, and/or if there becomes a discrepancy as to whom rightfully snagged the middle beer, the overseer may call for a duel. A duel may consist of any means necessary, as seen fit by the overseer, within reasonable means.